Archive for the ‘family law’ Category

Native American Adoption Case to the Supreme Court

Posted: April 17, 2013 in family law
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Take the usual agony of an adoption dispute. Add in the disgraceful U.S. history of ripping Indian children from their Native American families. Mix in a dose of initial fatherly abandonment. And there you have it — a poisonous and painful legal cocktail that went before the U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday, according to an article in KQED’s Public Media for Northern California on April 16, 2013.

The article which can be read here, tells about the adoption of a 2 year old girl whose biological father is a Native American, albeit, only 2% Native American, and his invoking the Indian Child Welfare Act upon learning that the biological mother had given the child up for an open adoption to a non Native American couple.

The biological father in this case had given up his parental rights but changed his mind after finding out that the mother was unable to raise the child and ripped the child from the adoptive parents custody at the age of 2.  He stated in his objection to the adoption that ”I just figured the best interest would be … for [Christy] (the biological mother) to have the full custody of her, but for me to still be in the picture — be able to come visit and stuff.”

This is a sad story and one that I hope the Supreme Court recognizes the best interests of the child caught in the middle of this and does the right thing.  I will be watching for the ruling on this one.

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Children and Divorce, Something to Think About

Posted: January 19, 2013 in family law
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I recently read an article posted by Stephan Futeral, a South Carolina attorney, with some great information about children and divorce and what parents can do to assist their children during this time.

Per the article, “Divorcing parents can decrease the impact on their children by following guidelines with their children, by avoiding conflict with the other parent, and by maintaining their own well-being.”  Sounds easy, but he listed several ways to deal with your children.  Some of those are listed below:

  • Don’t treat your children as adults – Some parents believe that their children must “grow up” quicker because of the divorce. Unfortunately, just because some parents treat their children like adults does not mean that their children are emotionally or intellectually equipped to deal with adult issues.  Let children be children.
  • Don’t rely on your children for your emotional support – Although it may seem natural to turn to your children for comfort during an emotional time, you are likely to cause greater instability and more pressure on the children. Some children begin to feel responsible for their parent’s emotional well-being, whereas some children suffer other emotional side-effects such as increased anger or depression. If you need emotional support, turn to another family member or a friend instead.
  • Don’t talk about the “divorce” or other grown up stuff – This issue ties in with not treating your children as adults.
  • Don’t block visitation or prevent your children from speaking to the other parent – There are many psychological studies illustrating the benefits children reap from spending time with both parents. No matter how you feel about your former spouse, don’t deprive your children of having a healthy relationship with the other parent.
  • Don’t ask your children to spy on the other parent or report back to you – Children in divorce already may be experiencing conflict in their loyalties and feelings toward both parents. Asking children to spy or to report places the children in an extremely awkward and emotionally stressful position of pleasing one parent while betraying another.
  • Don’t ask your children to keep secrets from the other parent – Dividing a child’s loyalty between parents’ places them under extreme stress. Further, the child is learning to become manipulative and may later play one parent against the other using lies and secrets.
  • Allow your children to take items such as their toys back and forth between homes as long as they can carry them – Oftentimes parents are reluctant to allow toys, books, and other items to go to the other parent’s home because these items may not be returned. Think of these items as the children’s things, not yours, and let your children have a sense of continuity by taking familiar and comforting items such as toys back and forth between homes.

These are just a few of Mr. Futeral’s suggestions and I believe they are very informative.  As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you that I wished my parents would have taken these suggestions to heart.   It would have made things much easier on us children.  When I went through my own divorce years ago, I did my best to make sure my children did not go through what my sister, brother and I went through as children.

There were also suggestions on how to deal with the other parent, which were thought provoking.  Some of them are listed below:

  • Don’t ignore the other parent or sit on the opposite side of the room during special events involving your children such as athletic matches, school plays, etc. – As emotionally difficult as it may be for you to be that close to the other parent, it is more difficult for your children to see parents distance themselves at these times. Overall, it is a small sacrifice to make for your children’s emotional wellbeing.
  • Ignore (rather than arguing back) when the other parent tries to tell you how to parent – This argument is one that no one can win.
  • Accept that there is more than one “right way” to parent and support different parenting styles- Even if you had not divorced, chances are that you and your former spouse may have or would have parented in your unique styles. If you can accept and deal with the difference in parenting styles during marriage, then you can accept these differences in divorce too.

And finally, taking care of yourself is important.  Talk to friends, family, or whoever you need to, and stay busy.  You will adjust, your children will adjust and life will go on and you will enjoy the new path your life is going.  I know I did, and I love my life.  I have two great grown sons, lots of grandchildren and they are all a part of my life.  To read the full article by Mr. Futeral, you may find it here.

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Sperm Donor Fighting Against Petition for Child Support – JD Journal | JD Journal

Posted: January 6, 2013 in family law, legal news
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Sperm donors beware in Kansas!  According to the article below in the JD Journal recently, a sperm donor is being sued for child support by the State of Kansas because the lesbian couple that he donated his sperm to, used the state’s resources for upkeep of the child.  They are also requesting he pay for the birth of the child.  For more information on this case, see the link below.

Sperm Donor Fighting Against Petition for Child Support – JD Journal | JD Journal.

 

My Blog’s 2012 in Review

Posted: January 6, 2013 in family law
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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.  I thought I would share it and say thank you to all of you who followed me in 2012.  Hope to see you in 2013!

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 7,500 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 13 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Posted: October 21, 2012 in family law
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Did you know that the Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the first Day of Unity observed in October, 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.  The intent was to connect battered women’s advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children.  In October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. That same year the first national toll-free hotline was begun. In 1989 the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month Commemorative Legislation was passed by the U.S. Congress. Such legislation has passed every year since with NCADV providing key leadership in this effort.

In October 1994 NCADV, in conjunction with Ms. Magazine, created the “Remember My Name” project, a national registry to increase public awareness of domestic violence deaths. Since then, NCADV has been collecting information on women who have been killed by an intimate partner and produces a poster each October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, listing the names of those documented in that year.

The Centers for Disease Control announced last week findings from a ground breaking study that indicates domestic and sexual violence against American women at epidemic rates that affects “on average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner.”  I was shocked to read these statistics.

As the grandmother of two young women, this concerns me.

In the first case brought by a survivor of domestic violence against the U.S. before an international human rights tribunal, the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights (IACHR) found that the United States violated the human rights of Jessica Lenahan (formerly Gonzales) and her children. The decision underscores that the U.S. is failing in its legal obligation to protect women and girls from domestic violence.

In June 1999, Jessica Gonzales’ three young daughters, ages seven, nine and ten, were abducted by her estranged husband and killed after the Colorado police refused to enforce a restraining order against him.

Although Gonzales repeatedly called the police, telling them of her fears for her daughters’ safety, they failed to respond. Hours later, Gonzales’ husband drove his pick-up truck to the police department and opened fire. He was shot dead by the police. The slain bodies of the three girls were subsequently discovered in the back of his pickup truck.

Gonzales filed a lawsuit against the police, but in June 2005 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that she had no Constitutional right to police enforcement of her restraining order. She then filed a petition with the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights, saying that the inaction of the police and the Supreme Court’s decision violated her human rights.

In another study, nearly 4,600 U.S. children were hospitalized with broken bones, traumatic brain injury and other serious damage caused by physical abuse in 2006, according to a new report, making child abuse a bigger threat than SIDS.

For more information for California residents,  you can go to the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence website here.   You can locate a Domestic Violence shelter in your area on this website or you can call the 24 hour hotline at 1-800-799-7233.   If you know someone who needs help, you can also call the hotline.

Judge Adams Receives Public Warning from State Commission

Posted: September 9, 2012 in family law
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Remember Judge Adams, who was given a suspension last November from the bench while being investigated for abusing his daughter when she posted a YouTube video?  The State Commission in Arkansas gave him a public warning this past week.

His daughter, who was videotaped when she was a teen being beaten by a belt by Judge Adams, says she is angry her father received only a public warning from the State Commission on Judicial Conduct.

Adams declined to comment on Thursday’s sanction, which found the video cast doubt on his ability to be impartial. It also warned the judge against a pattern of demeaning behavior toward attorneys in his court.

Although police and prosecutors reviewed the Adams video, they did not pursue criminal charges, citing statutes of limitation. A grass-roots petition drive to unseat the judge fizzled.

The judge’s daughter, Hillary Adams, now 24, said she was angered by the decision because it won’t remove her father from the bench. She said it’s unacceptable for a family law judge to beat his daughter, but she said she didn’t want to direct her anger at the commission, and she’s glad the warning publicly acknowledged the judge’s behavior.

“They’re doing their job,” she said. “Really, I guess I should direct my anger at the law system for allowing this to continue and basically paying someone a yearlong vacation for beating his child.”

Commission Director Seana Willing said in an email that Adams now must petition the Supreme Court to have the suspension lifted. Judicial ethics expert Lillian Hardwick said that step is largely procedural and the court likely will lift the suspension.

For more on Judge Adams, you can read more in my previous article here and here.

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SB 1476, More than Two Parents Bill, Goes to Governor Brown

Posted: September 2, 2012 in family law
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Senate Bill 1476 by Sen. Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, crossed its last legislative hurdle Wednesday, when the Senate approved it on a concurrence vote of 21-13.  Under SB 1476, a judge could split custody, child support or visitation rights among three or more people who had acted as parents to the child.  To read my previous blog on the bill, here is the link.

It has now gone to Governor Brown for signature, after approval by the Assembly on August 27, 2012 and the Senate on August 29, 2012.  To read the bill waiting for signature, go to the link here.
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Spying on Your Spouse’s Email Can Cost you Big Bucks

Posted: August 25, 2012 in family law
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In Klumb v. Goan, a Tennesse case, the wife Goan, was hit with $20,000 in damages, $10,000 in damages and $10,000 in punitive damages for her egregious conduct, after she installed a spyware program called eBlaster on several of the computers that husband, Klumb used.  Klumb was also awarded fees and costs.

Goan also intercepted three emails sent to Klumb and altered the emails to make it look like “[the sender] and [Klumb] were having an affair.” Apparently a finding of infidelity altered the split of property between the parties under the prenuptial agreement in place between the parties and under an agreed order entered in the divorce case that was initiated when the marriage soured.

As far as the legal issues, the court does not have any trouble finding that Goan’s interception of Klumb’s email violates the federal Wiretap Act and its Tennessee counterpart.

The most interesting part of this story is Goan is an attorney and should have known better.  The message here is clear, don’t spy on anyone’s, including your spouses email.  It can cost you Big Bucks!

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Facebook leads to Mother losing Custody of Children to Father

Posted: August 24, 2012 in family law
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Interesting case in Iowa in which Father was granted sole legal and physical custody of the parties children after Mother posted on Facebook how Father was a bad parent and sent Father a threatening email.  The case is In Re Marriage of Bates, which can be read here.

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It really cannot be said enough, if you post it on Facebook, it can and will be used against you in a custody battle.

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Ways to Minimize Costs in Your Divorce

Posted: August 22, 2012 in family law
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I read an article recently where a New York attorney discussed ways to minimize attorney fees in your divorce case.   I have mentioned how to reduce your costs in a previous post, but thought that it bears repeating.

1.  Read your attorney fee agreement and understand how your attorney charges you.  Most attorneys charge in increments (usually six minute increments), so if your attorney (or even his/her paralegal) pick up the phone to speak with you, you will be charged a minimum time.  Attorneys also charge for the time they are working on your case, whether it be reviewing the file for court, preparing documents on your behalf, or talking with the opposing counsel, you will be charged.

2.  Using email to communicate with your attorney and staff.  Let the attorney and his/her staff know when you retain the attorney, that you prefer email communication.  This means that you will check your email regularly and respond as quickly as possible to your attorney’s or his staff’s email.  I can’t tell you how many times a client will tell our office that they prefer email communication, and then they never check it or respond.  This then entails calling the client to let them know an email was sent and a response is required.  The client is then charged for both an email and a phone call, which defeats the purpose of email communication.  Also let the attorney know that you prefer to receive any documents filed or received in your case by email in pdf format.  This saves time, paper and postage, which means less cost for you if your attorney charges for postage and copies.

3.  Keep track of the time you spend talking to your attorney and his staff and review your bill promptly.  Let your attorney know immediately of any questions or disputes you have with your bill.   Some fee agreements require your billing questions in writing and attorneys cannot charge you for questions on your billing statement.  Don’t wait for several months and then question the bill, it becomes time consuming to go back and review the billings in question, which takes away from the time the attorney or the staff have for working on your case.

4.  If your attorney or the staff request documents from you, promptly provide them.   This saves you money by not receiving multiple calls from the attorney or his staff for the information needed in your case.  If you can, scan and email the documents to your attorney, this saves time and cost to you as well.  Some attorneys charge for each copy in your case, and you might be charged for their staff time.

5.  It is ok to check in with your attorney if you have not heard from him/her in a while.  Attorneys get busy with trials, hearings and some are even lucky enough to take a vacation.  Attorneys usually have staff members who you can contact as well to check in on the status of your case.  I would recommend copying the paralegal working on your case with any email communications to the attorney.  In the event the attorney is in trial or out of the office, the paralegal can respond to your email promptly.

6.  Yes, you can contact your spouse to discuss your case as long as there is not a restraining order preventing you or your spouse from doing this.  Unless your attorney advises you otherwise, there is no reason you cannot discuss things with your soon to be ex.  Just be sure to let your attorney know what you are discussing so that any agreements can be discussed with your attorney.  Don’t fight over the little things, like who will get the large punch bowl and who will get the set of Henkel knifes, even if your spouse is.  Take the high road and let it go.  The cost of fighting over these items is just not worth it.

7.   Pay your bill on time.  Attorneys have bills to pay just like you do.  They have staff to pay as well.  Be sure you understand that the initial retainer you paid is just that, a retainer.  No attorney can predict what the cost of your case will be.  It is determined by many factors, such as how litigious your case becomes, and how cooperative you and your spouse are in negotiations regarding your case,, etc.  The more you and your soon to be ex can agree, the less cost it is for each of you.  This does not mean that you should settle for less than what you are entitled to, just to save attorney fees.  Your attorney is there to advise you of what the law says you are entitled to.  A good attorney will let you know whether it is cost effective for you to file a motion, or even go to trial.

These are just a few ways to help keep your costs down in your family law matter.  Be sure to talk with your attorney about other ways you can reduce costs in your case.

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